If you have a Quest 3 headset, you need to try passthrough in Virt-a-Mate.

Passthrough requires the paid Virtual Desktop App from the Meta store, and a Meta Quest 3, or other headset with good cameras for AR.

This allows you to see people in your real environment, lying on your bed, etc.

Follow the general guide to set up passthrough with Virtual Desktop and the Meta Quest 3.
Other Virtual Desktop compatible headsets such as the
Quest 2/3, Quest Pro, Vive Focus 3, XR Elite, Pico Neo 3 and Pico 4 should all work, but, for example, Quest 2 AR is low resolution black-and-white, compared to the almost realistic Quest 3 passthrough. We’ve only tested the Quest 3, and it’s probably currently the best headset for passthrough / AR in Virt-a-Mate as of 12/2023
Main Guide:

https://hub.virtamate.com/resources/quest-3-passthrough-recording.39622/

There is also an alternate guide:
https://hub.virtamate.com/resources/how-to-use-passthrough-in-vam-vr-mixed-reality.37851/

Important modifications to the guide(s):

  1. Ignore the guide section on CameraBackgroundColor, vamX handles this automatically unless you want to use a custom color, that isn’t in the vamX Scene options. To use a custom color choose the vamX Black passthrough scene, then use the CameraBackgroundColor plugin as described in the guide.
  2. In the guide section where you choose the VR Passthrough Configuration color, press the Blue box (set the color to Red: 0, Green: 71, Blue: 187). Or try the suggested 90, 120, 100 for Red, Green & Blue (they also suggest 5% similarity and 0% smoothness, but best settings will vary scene to scene).
  3. Make sure you DO follow the guide instructions to launch Virt-a-Mate through Virtual Desktop. Basically you should copy the VaM (Desktop Mode).bat file to a new file, name it VaM (Virtual Desktop).bat then edit that with Notepad. For example the file might read:

    It should have quotes, and you must change the path to match your own Virt-a-Mate (and Virtual Desktop) locations.

Once you have Virtual Desktop set up:

  1. Open Virt-a-Mate using the .bat file that runs Virt-a-Mate through Virtual Desktop (not required, but faster framerate).
  2. Open vamX, click the Scene tab, and press the left arrow in the Scene tab to go to the last page of Scene to choose a Simple Solid Background color for passthrough (for vamX.1.35+ this is found on the second-to-last page of Scene).

  3. Choose the first, Simple, Solid Color Virtual Desktop Default Blue scene (or choose the Greenish Grey scene, or a different color and match the Virtual Desktop VR Passthrough Configuration color to whatever you select in vamX). 
  4. First time users should use the Simple, Solid Color Scenes, so skip this step. Later try the new Passthrough Scenes and Options (vamX.1.35+) on the last page of Scene. These new Passthrough scenes contain mirrors, shadows, a doorway and more. Shadows use the moyashi.ChromaKeyifier.2 plugin. On the last Scene page, choose a passthrough color, then use the new OPEN SCENE CONFIG to help configure the scene. Aligning the scene with a real mirror in your room provides a very interesting experience, where you can see yourself (and her) in the mirror having sex. To help improve sex alignment for passthrough, it’s sometimes useful to rotate her pelvis or hip, so there are also buttons for that on the 2nd page of the OPEN SCENE CONFIG menu for passthrough. Hip rotations are controlled by vamX Actions, so for the hip rotations to have an effect on the pose, Actions need to be stopped. You may not need these last rotation buttons, but if you really want to see yourself penetrating her, these adjustments may help.
  5. As of 12/2023 here are some tips on the current version of Virtual Desktop:
    a) While in Virtual Desktop, press the left controller’s menu button twice to toggle between VR mode (what Virt-a-Mate is sending) and normal desktop view.
    b) Press the left controller’s menu button once to show/hide the Virtual Desktop Menu (for example to configure passthrough colors or smoothing in Streaming -> VR Passthrough).
    c) If you see a performance panel overlayed from Virtual Desktop (showing FPS and a bunch of other stats), disable it in the Virtual Desktop menu under Streaming -> Advanced -> Show Performance Overlay (uncheck Performance Overlay).